Too Close to Resist Read online

  “Hitting someone is not inconsequential. Apologies or not,” Grace said through clenched teeth, doing everything in her power to keep the tears from falling. “You of all people should know that as well as I do.”

  His whole face fell. “I—I’m sorry. I just didn’t want you to be upset.”

  Grace snorted. “Good job. You really accomplished that now, didn’t you?” This time when she walked past him, nothing was going to get her to turn around. She was going to go to her room and indulge in crying over everything, everything, because damn if she didn’t deserve it.

  “Grace.” His footsteps followed, but she would not be deterred.

  “I want you to leave me alone right now.”

  His footsteps abruptly stopped. She entered her room and slammed the door behind her. In one quick motion she dumped her bag on the floor and climbed up into her bed.

  Half of her wanted to laugh. She was crying over some silly little fight with her...well, whatever Kyle was to her. All the while a man who had once beaten the hell out of her, had recently burned her house down, was on the damn loose.

  Way to focus on priorities, Grace.

  She closed her eyes, but focus wouldn’t come. Emotions swept through her, but thought was gone. She was too tired. Just bone-dead exhausted. Too many emotions. Too many things she was trying to control, to accept, to deal with.

  Too many people letting her down.

  Grace lay in bed for a long time, not crying, not thinking, not sleeping, just feeling a giant void inside of her grow until it got harder and harder to breathe.

  A knock sounded on the door, quickly followed by the creak of it swinging open. Not Kyle come to apologize again, then. No, her brother.

  Grace swallowed. The void evaporated because, in the light of everything that had happened to her and Kyle in their lives, what Jacob had done was downright inexcusable. “Hey. I was going to go into town and get some lunch. Want to join me?”

  She looked at him from beneath her covers, just stared until his smile faded and he fidgeted where he stood.

  “What’s wr—”

  “You hit him.” Grace pushed into a sitting position. “You hit him.”

  Jacob scowled. “He told me he didn’t tell you. Asshole. I can’t believe—”

  “Stop.” Grace’s voice echoed with anger and hurt and the surprise on Jacob’s face was pronounced enough she got angry all over again. Didn’t he even feel the least bit ashamed for his actions?

  “I have been proud of you since you were born.” Grace looked at her hands. A tear spilled over, rolled down her knuckles. “I have been your biggest cheerleader. Never in my life have I been ashamed of you, Jacob. But this... I am so damn ashamed I could throw up. You should know better. You should be better.”

  She couldn’t bear to look at him, but his silence was something. Hopefully the harsh words knocked some reason back into his thick skull.

  “I’d like you to leave me alone. Mom’s picking me up at five and I think I’ll just stay with Mom and Dad tonight. I don’t know if I’ll come back.”

  “You have to come back. It’s safer here. You’ll go crazy there.” His voice cracked. Good. She hoped he went to his room and shed a few tears over his shitty role in all this.

  “The police are keeping an eye on Mom and Dad’s, on Barry’s trailer, on Carvelle in general. All you offer is an alarm and, at this point, I’m not sure it’s worth it. Mom and Dad smother me, but they’d never take their fear and anger out on someone who didn’t deserve it. No matter how angry I am with Kyle, he doesn’t deserve what you’re doing. Maybe it’ll be better if I’m not around.”

  “Gracie—”

  “Please go. I’d like to be alone.”

  Alone, so the people who were supposed to care about her and be honest with her and not hurt her couldn’t dig this wound any deeper.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  GRACE WOKE UP in the paneled and purple room of her youth. Her muscles ached; from what, she had no idea. Actually, everything kind of ached. Muscles, head, heart.

  She buried her head in the pillow, the distinct smell of the weird generic laundry detergent Mom always bought overpowering everything else. Maybe if she inhaled the smell enough, she could travel back in time to when it was so a part of her everyday life she didn’t notice it.

  Back in time before the past few weeks. Back in time before she’d ever gone out with Barry. Back in time before she’d given up on college.

  Frustrated with herself, Grace rolled back to face the ceiling. She stared at the bumpy white surface and took deep, cleansing breaths.

  She couldn’t go back in time. She was who she was, bad decisions, bad luck and all. If she wanted to go to college now, she could. If she wanted a relationship, she could patch things up with Kyle. There was plenty of life right within her reach, even if it didn’t erase all the bad.

  But working for it seemed way beyond her energy level at the moment. Actually, everything, including getting out of bed and facing her overly fake, cheerful parents who had no doubt skipped work again seemed beyond her energy level.

  When her door creaked open, she quickly closed her eyes, hoping Mom or Dad would think her asleep and leave her alone. At least for another hour. Or two.

  “Gracie?”

  At Jacob’s voice, Grace sat up in bed. “What are you doing here?” She glared at him, but the expression softened when she saw how pale and disheveled he looked. Almost like he was sick.

  It didn’t matter. He was still an asshole.

  He inched into the room, looking uncertain and not at all steady. “So I guess Mom didn’t tell you I got trashed last night and had to call Dad for a ride home?”

  “No, she didn’t.” And apparently Grace had slept through it all. Well, that was something. She’d slept well and dreamlessly. Miracle of miracles.

  “And that he brought me back here and Mom spent thirty minutes at 3:00 a.m. psychoanalyzing me while I puked my guts out on the yard.”

  It wasn’t funny. It shouldn’t be funny, but, damn it, the picture of Jacob throwing up on the lawn while Mom gave one of her guidance counselor lectures was just too great not to find some amusement.

  “Yeah, laugh it up.” His mouth quirked into a smile briefly before it fell again. “The worst part was she was right. Which means I’ve been wrong. Which sucks.”

  Grace looked away from his earnest searching of her face. “Wrong about what exactly?”

  “This thing with Kyle...wasn’t really so much about Kyle as it was about me not dealing well with anger. You know I don’t get angry often, but how can I not be angry about this? And how can I not be angry about not being there for you and doing things the way I should have?”

  He paced the room, running his fingers through his hair, then grasping it in his fist. “And since I couldn’t actually go be mad at Barry, and I didn’t want to be angry at myself, it all kind of morphed into being pissed at a guy who doesn’t deserve it.”

  His hands fell to his sides, and he looked at her imploringly, pleadingly, the way he used to when he was begging for a favor. Because she’d so rarely been able to tell him no.

  “I’m sorry. I screwed up. Can you forgive me?”

  Grace studied her hands. “I guess that depends. I’m not the person you punched in the face.”

  “I know. I owe Kyle an apology, too.”

  She picked at the hem of her sweatshirt. “I don’t want to be the reason you guys aren’t friends.”

  “You’re not. I am.”

  Grace let out a breath, surprised when some of the weight in her gut lifted. “I guess I can forgive you.”

  “Good.” His relieved exhale was loud and lengthy. “And you’ll come back and stay with us? For as long as you want. Even after they get Barry. You can stay until you rebuild your
house or whatever. Stay forever if you want.”

  Grace pulled her bottom lip through her teeth. “I...don’t know.”

  “Come on. You belong there. Everyone loves having you around, and with the painting stuff you’ll be right there if a client ever wants to buy something.”

  “Have you even talked this over with Kyle?”

  Jacob rolled his eyes. “Grace, he’s gone over you. I’ve known the guy half my life and I have never, ever, even for a sliver of a second, seen him like he’s been the past week. I don’t need to ask him. I already know the answer.”

  Grace fidgeted. She liked living with Jacob. She liked the house, the company. She liked that the house was big and her parents weren’t tripping over themselves to make her happy. She had friends there, and Kyle...

  Except, she wasn’t totally sure where she stood with Kyle or vice versa, and she wasn’t totally sure she had the energy to figure it out.

  “Just think about it. I’m going to go drink about a gallon of water, maybe eat some plain toast or something. I’ve got to be back at noon. You want to come, I’ll give you a ride. If not, I’ll come get you anytime you want. Okay?”

  Grace nodded.

  Jacob stepped over to the bed, kissed her forehead. “I love you, Gracie.”

  Grace managed a smile. “Love you, too.”

  Jacob left her room, and Grace sat chewing on her lip for a long time. There were really two choices here. Hide from the life she’d started to build or fight for it.

  She kept choosing fight and getting knocked back down. But maybe that was life. Maybe it was just a series of knocked-back-downs. And the good parts were all in the getting-back-ups.

  She wasn’t sure if that was depressing or life-affirming. Either way, she’d head back to Bluff City with Jacob. And maybe, just maybe, she’d get back up again, even if the next fall was inevitable.

  * * *

  WORK WAS STILL WORK, and thank God for that. Disgruntled clients, Kyle understood. Payroll, spreadsheets, timetables. All things he excelled at. Every mundane business-manager task totally doable.

  Not doable? Stop worrying about Grace. If she was okay. If she was coming back. If she would forgive him. If this was ending after only just getting started.

  He should have never gotten into this mess. Which was laughable. Would he take it back? Not on his life.

  He should call her. Maybe a text. Or email. Or just go to Carvelle. Or he should grow a pair and make a decision instead of letting his mind race in idiotic circles.

  Good luck with that, pal. Idiotic circles had been the name of the game for the past two days.

  Kyle leaned back in his chair, squinted at the clock. Nearly one. Hopefully the rest of the crew had cleared out of the kitchen so he could eat lunch in peace.

  Of course, that wasn’t the case. Luck was not on his side these days. All three MC women sat at the table oohing and aahing over the ultrasound picture Susan and Kelly had brought back from their trip. Since Kyle had already been through the particular brand of torture of trying to figure out what to say about a black-and-white squiggle that looked like a gummy bear, he tried to back out of the room.

  “Quick! Put the ultrasound away. It’s Kyle Kryptonite.” Leah made a big production out of hiding the picture.

  Kelly turned to smile at him. “He did an almost passable impression of a man who cared this morning. I was very proud.”

  Since he was already found out, and his stomach was growling, Kyle moved stiffly to the refrigerator.

  “Man, Grace really is rubbing off on him. He laughed at one of my jokes Friday. It was like being beamed to an alternate universe.”

  Kyle stiffened, but focused on getting out the ingredients for a sandwich so no one would notice his discomfort. After all, his normal predisposition was stiff; how would they notice any difference?

  “Where is Grace, or Jacob, for that matter? I wanted to introduce Grace to the Martins today when I drop off the paintings, and Jacob is supposed to come with me.”

  Kyle froze at Kelly’s question. He opened his mouth to come up with some plausible lie. “Well...” Nothing. “I’m not sure.”

  “Oh, man. He screwed things up already.” Leah slapped the table. “Grace texted me that she was staying at her parents’ this weekend. I just thought it was to spend time with them, but look at this guy. He’s being all shifty.”

  “I most certainly am not.” Kyle straightened.

  “But you did screw things up.”

  He looked down at the half-assembled sandwich. Not worth it. “You know, someone should cover the phones. This is a place of business. Not a slumber party.”

  “That means he did. He totally screwed things up.” Leah clucked her tongue. “Well, you’d better fix it. We like New Kyle a lot better than Cyborg Kyle.”

  Kelly and Susan nodded solemnly. Kyle shook his head. What the hell was happening? A few days being involved with Grace and suddenly these women felt the need to poke into his private life? There was something to be said for not having a private life to be poked into.

  Unless...they had advice.

  Idiotic. Stupid, foolish thought. He was not going to ask these three women for relationship advice. Who was he, some kind of...of...normal human being?

  Kyle sighed. “So what do you suggest?”

  The women looked at each other, brows furrowed. Kelly tapped her chin; Leah studied the ceiling.

  “What do you think? Heartfelt apology and flowers?” Susan asked. But she wasn’t consulting him.

  “I don’t know.” Leah frowned. “Flowers are kind of cliché, don’t you think?”

  “Anybody ever brought you flowers?” Kelly demanded.

  “No.” Leah sighed almost wistfully. “Flowers. Definitely.”

  They looked at him expectantly, as though he was supposed to drop everything and run to the florist right this second. “You don’t even know how I screwed it up.”

  “You didn’t do anything despicably horrible, did you?”

  Kyle rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. Was this really happening? “No...not despicably horrible.”

  “Then flowers and a heartfelt apology should do it. Not just ‘I’m sorry,’ though. You know, explain why you were wrong, how you won’t do it again.” As Kelly spoke, Susan and Leah nodded like sage bobblehead dolls. “The understanding of how you were wrong is the most important part. The flowers just get your foot in the door.”

  Kyle opened his mouth to seek advice on what kind of flowers, but the sound of the back door opening and closing stopped him. And then Jacob and Grace stepping into the kitchen froze him.

  “Well, there they are,” Kelly greeted them, all smiles.

  Kyle wished he could muster half of her casualness. Instead he could barely hear Jacob’s response because his heart was beating too hard in his ears.

  What was he supposed to do? He had no idea.

  Kelly chatted about the meeting with the Martins until Grace agreed to go. “Okay” was the only word she spoke. And she didn’t once look at him.

  Jacob, on the other hand, couldn’t seem to stop looking at him. Kyle didn’t know whether it was good or bad that Jacob’s expression was missing its threatening quality of late.

  Kelly was still chatting with Grace, and they ended up disappearing upstairs. Leaving an uncomfortable silence among the four remaining.

  “Can you guys give me and Kyle a second? Alone?”

  Susan and Leah exchanged a look and Kyle hoped, perhaps childishly, they’d say no. No such luck. They picked up their lunches and exited the kitchen, chattering about Susan and Kelly’s trip to Sioux City.

  “Um, look, I just need a minute or two of your time.”

  Kyle stared at the sandwich he’d been making. What other choice did he have? “All righ
t.”

  “Mom said something to me last night that... Well, it’s really gotten me thinking.” Jacob sighed and sank into a chair. “The thing is, I don’t get angry often. You know me. Most things just don’t get to me.”

  Kyle grew more uncomfortable. He didn’t want to talk about this. He’d rather they just forget the past few days and move on. Better than apologies and not knowing what to do with them. “You don’t have to—”

  “Man, let me apologize. I screwed up. Royally. Like, biggest screwup of my life here. It wasn’t about you. Really. I was angry. At myself for not being here. At Barry for...everything, and since I couldn’t do anything about it...I found a target.”

  Kyle shrugged. “Maybe you weren’t totally wrong.” That was what he was wrestling with, wasn’t it? That Jacob had been right and Kyle would wind up being bad for Grace. He’d lied, maybe in the name of something good, but he’d lied. What other bad things would he do without thinking?

  When would the little pockets of violence he couldn’t keep under wraps make an appearance and remind Grace and Jacob that he’d come from the same place as Barry?

  No. No. He was not Barry. No matter how he screwed up, he wasn’t that kind of man. Maybe not good, but not bad, either. Not after all the work he’d put into being something different from his parents.

  “No. I was wrong. Whatever ends up happening between you and Grace, it isn’t my business. I’m staying out of it.”

  “Really? Just...like that.” It was hard not to be skeptical no matter how sincere the apology seemed.

  “Let’s just say I never want to have to tell my mother she’s right about my psyche ever again.” Jacob rested his head in his hands. “And I really never want to be this hungover again.”

  Though Kyle was having trouble wrapping his mind around it, he also wanted this whole ordeal over. Over, over, over. “So we’re good?”

  “I want us to be.”

  “Well, good.”