Cowboy SEAL Healing Page 10

  She frowned. That wasn’t quite the where she meant. But it was good, and she should feel good that his working here had given him something he liked. “That’s really great.” And she was happy for him. Even if he meant Oklahoma or Tokyo. Because she wanted him to be happy and if that made—

  “You’ve been to Georgia’s, right?”

  “Georgia’s. That’s...” She stopped what she was doing to stare at him. “That’s here.” Here. In Blue Valley. He was really going to stay here.

  “I thought you might be...happy about that,” he said, studying her very carefully.

  “Eli, I’m...” She felt a million things, and it was one of those rare times in her life she didn’t know how to catalogue them and react appropriately. “I just don’t want... You should be some place that makes you happy. You shouldn’t...” And there was something in her desperation to make him understand, to have him make the right choice for himself, that had her breaching the wall. She grabbed his hands. “I don’t want to factor into your decision making. That isn’t right. You need to build in the right place and—”

  “I’ve been a lot of places, Viv. Not a one has made me happy or unhappy, because I wasn’t happy with myself. I can’t say I’m all that happy with myself yet, but I’m working on it.”

  He turned his hands so his fingers could thread through hers. “Because of Bailey. Because of you. Hell, because of Drake and Levi’s dumb asses while you’re at it. This place doesn’t make me happy, but the people here do. And I like Blue Valley. I like working in a kitchen, and there was an opening. Like a sign. But most of all, I love you. No place could be better than that.”

  Vivian felt frozen in place while her insides jittered and jangled like a summer parade. Love. She’d had a boyfriend or two she’d loved...or thought she had. But love had never come with this all-encompassing fear, swiftly overpowered by a rush of joy so big and bright it was a wonder she didn’t explode.

  Eli stepped toward her and took by the shoulders while she just stood there, completely immobile as her brain zoomed in a million directions. Love. Love.

  “I’m in love with you, and I don’t know what the hell to do about it except tell you and...” He shrugged. “I don’t know. That’s as far as I’ve gotten. You made me laugh and I hadn’t for a very long time. You put me in my place when everyone else I think has been too...careful to. But it’s what I needed. You said you’d teach me to build.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” she said, her throat tight making her words come out squeaky.

  “That’s okay.”

  She shook her head. “No, it isn’t. I always know what to say.”

  His mouth crooked up at the side. Still no full blown smiles, because that wasn’t him. He was a serious guy and she... Well, it suited her. He grounded her.

  “I don’t mind making you a little speechless.”

  Which made her laugh enough that the tightness in her throat eased up. She leaned her forehead to his chest. “I love you. I’ve said that before to other guys, but it’s never felt...scary. I think that must be a good thing.”

  “You do?”

  “If you aren’t a little afraid of how big it feels, if you aren’t a little worried you can’t make it work...does it matter enough to make it work?”

  He framed her face with his hands, and looked at her. It was big. It was so huge it filled her up, stole her words, but it was amazing. And when he kissed her, long and slow, like they had all the time in the world, she was sure they did.

  “I still have to find a place to live off ranch, but I’ll work on it once Bailey’s gone.”

  Then Viv laughed, because some things were really meant to be. A sign, like he’d said. Or maybe just some Christmas magic. “I think I have an answer to your problem. Leave the mess. We’ll come back to it.”

  *

  “This is your brother’s house.” Eli eyed Vivian suspiciously as she pulled her car to a stop in front of a homey looking farmhouse just off the ranch property.

  “It is. And my sister-in-law has an apartment in the back of Pioneer Spirit she’s been trying to rent out for months.” Vivian got out of the car and started marching towards the house.

  Eli didn’t particularly want to get out of the car, but he could hardly stay here as she went straight up to the door and knocked.

  “It’s Christmas Eve,” he called across the yard.

  “So?”

  Eli jogged over to the porch. “So, couldn’t this wait?”

  “Consider it a Christmas gift. Rose has been stressing about it for months. This’ll be a load off.”

  The door swung open to Jack’s confused face. “Viv... Eli?” Confusion turned to suspicion. “What’s going on?”

  “Well, let us in and I’ll tell you,” Vivian said, pushing her brother aside and walking in.

  Eli stood at the bottom of the porch stairs, torn between amusement and horror.

  “Well, you might as well come in,” Jack muttered, eyeing him with all that suspicion.

  Eli tried to smile, but was sure it only looked like a grimace. “Sorry,” he muttered as he trudged inside. Vivian was already talking a mile a minute to Rose, who sat curled up under a blanket in a big armchair.

  The house was like a picture out of a Christmas magazine. Big tree, though it was decorated haphazardly with a wide variety of ornaments, the red, white, and green lights made a pretty reflection in the big bay window it was in front of. There were shiny presents underneath. Across the room there was a fire burning cozily in the hearth, with three full stockings hanging from the mantel.

  Rose eyed Vivian and then Eli. “Well, you’d certainly be doing me a favor,” she said.

  Which was when Eli realized Vivian had already told her he was looking for a place.

  “You sure you want to live behind a bar?” Rose asked.

  Eli shrugged. “I’m sure I’ve survived worse.” But he wasn’t surviving anymore. That was something he was going to have to remind himself of. “I won’t want to live in an apartment behind a bar forever, but it takes time to build things.”

  Viv grinned at him. “Yes, it does.”

  “Well, well, well,” Rose murmured. “Why don’t you guys sit down and have a dr...” Rose trailed off, wincing a little. “You know what? You two stay and talk to Jack. I’m a little worn out. I’m going to go lay down. We’ll work out a rental agreement after Christmas, okay?”

  Rose got to her feet, waving Jack off as he tried to help her. “You stay here and talk to your sister and her... And Eli. I’m just going to sleep.”

  Jack watched Rose go up the stairs

  “She’s uncomfortable. Beyond. There is something she isn’t telling me.” His hands curled into fists. “You guys go on. I’m going to head up. She shouldn’t be alone.”

  Vivian put her hand on her brother’s shoulder. “Let me go talk to her. She’ll just think you’re being overprotective. She might be more honest with me about how she’s feeling.”

  Vivian mouthed a quick sorry at Eli then scurried up the stairs after Rose leaving Eli alone with Jack.

  Alone with Jack. Beyond awkward. But...when else was he going to get Jack alone?

  Maybe not when he’s worried about his wife and unborn child?

  “Why are you fidgeting?” Jack growled from his position standing at the bottom of the stairs looking up it as if deciding whether or not to charge after his wife and sister.

  “Huh?”

  “You’re practically vibrating over there. What is it?” He demanded, hands jammed into his pockets and voice as edgy and impatient as Eli had ever heard it.

  Don’t do it. Don’t do it. “I’m in love with your sister.”

  Jack slowly turned to face him, something like undiluted shock making all his features go lax. Well, at least Eli was taking Jack’s mind off his pregnant wife.

  “I wanted to let you know that nothing has happened yet, but... Well, I mean, not nothing, but...”

  Jack held up a hand. “I
don’t need the specifics.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “Sure, why not? Let’s do this. Better than worrying myself to death,” he muttered.

  “I just wanted to make you understand we didn’t cross any lines here. I’m staying in Blue Valley, but I don’t need this place anymore. Monica said so. You can ask her. I—”

  “Have a seat, Eli.”

  Eli eyed the couch and its proximity to Jack’s fists.

  “You can’t honestly be afraid I’m going to pound on you. You could hold your own.”

  “Sure, but I love Viv, so I couldn’t fight back. I’d just have to sit there and take a pounding.”

  “That’s the smartest thing you’ve said yet. Sit down, Eli.”

  Eli knew he didn’t have a choice. He also didn’t know what the hell had prompted him to do this. He settled himself on a chair and Jack practically collapsed into the couch across from him. He blew out a breath and then leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees.

  “I’ve been where you are, Eli. It’s terrifying. It doesn’t get less so. Or maybe a little, because there’s someone there to hold your hand when you’re afraid. But, the important thing is that you decide to stick, to fight, to stand up—over and over again. Fear is easy. This won’t be.”

  “When Monica told me to bunk with the guys, she said that taking responsibility for what happened and feeling that I was dangerous and had to stay away from everyone was easy. Easier than healing.”

  Jack nodded. “What we went through, what it did to our minds, it’s a hard thing. Something not everyone is ever going to understand. Something maybe even we don’t. Understanding isn’t the answer. It’s acceptance. And forgiveness.”

  “And love.”

  “Love isn’t a cure all.”

  “No. No, I couldn’t have gotten there without working with Monica. Without being here. Without wanting to heal. Even then... I don’t believe in cure alls. I’m not sure I believe in any cure. I’m not cured. I’ve just learned some things, figured out some ways to heal. I don’t think it’ll be easy, and maybe that’s why I resisted so hard for so long. It feels like she should have easy.”

  “Viv’s got a big, soft heart. And it was always my job as older brother to protect that. Pave the way. Make the road easy for her. It was how I was raised, and it’s a hard habit to break. But... The best things in my life came from some of the worst, and I guess I’ve started to figure out if I’m always paving the way, always trying to stop her from hurting, I’m keeping her from those moments she might get something really great out of the bad. Easy doesn’t build a life, Eli. Doesn’t mean I want you to make things hard for her, just that when you love someone, things can be hard. And you work through it. Together. And a lot of times you’re better for it.”

  He looked up where his wife had gone, where his daughter was asleep, and for the first time in the year Eli had seen Jack Armstrong look intimidating and stoic, there was a break in that.

  “Vivian gets to make up her own mind. I won’t stand in the way of that.”

  And that was when Eli fully understood what he was doing here, and why. “I’m not asking you not to stand in the way. She’ll want more than that from you. She looks up to you. Your approval would mean a lot to her, even if she doesn’t need it.”

  Jack stared at him a long time. “If you treat her right, if she’s happy, then she’s got my approval. And I think she knows that, but if you needed to know it, there it is.”

  There was a little bit of a commotion from upstairs. Jack frowned. “Just a word of advice... Life doesn’t get any less complicated just because you’ve got your PTSD under control.”

  There were footsteps on the stairs, then Rose and Vivian came into view. Rose grimacing, Vivian with a strange smile plastered on her face.

  “Well, Rose’s water broke,” Vivian said, arms around Rose’s waist as they made their way down the stairs.

  “But the baby isn’t due for three weeks,” Jack said, his voice going up an octave.

  “Yeah, well, my body didn’t get the memo,” Rose said irritably.

  Eli watched as for a few seconds Jack Armstrong stood there looking like he didn’t know what the hell to do. Until his wife gave him an are you serious look and he jumped into action. Grabbing coats and keys and giving Vivian instructions about the toddler asleep upstairs.

  And then they were gone.

  “He’s going to be a Christmas baby,” Vivian said, her hands clasped under her chin. “Isn’t that the sweetest thing?’

  “Um. Sure.” And despite his utter discomfort over the idea of babies, she looked so...beautiful. The Christmas tree twinkled and this was the type of place Vivian belonged. A nice home, cozy and filled to the brim with knick knacks and family debris.

  He’d never thought of wanting something like that for himself someday, but he did. If she was at the center of it.

  “Well, this can be our first date,” she said, holding out her hand. “Christmas Eve babysitting.”

  He took it. “Can we make out on the couch?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Then it’s a date.”

  Epilogue

  “Don’t understand how a sour puss like you got the likes of Vivian Armstrong.” Drake dumped the box of kitchen stuff Eli had bought at the big box store in Bozeman inside the behind-the-bar apartment Eli now got to call home. Levi tossed in a few bags of other living debris Eli had picked up and packed into his brand new truck.

  Well, new to him anyway.

  It was still new for Eli to have friends who’d help load and unload things. Who’d offer to help. Who he’d enjoy taking help from.

  “Women always fall for the sad sacks,” Levi offered. “But now we’ve got somewhere to crash if we don’t have a DD.”

  “Good point,” Drake agreed. “I’ve got to get sadder.”

  “I think you’re sad sack enough,” Eli assured him, earning a bark of laughter from Levi.

  “We’ve got to get back for chores,” Drake said, rolling his eyes at Levi’s laughter. “Don’t be a stranger, Sterling.”

  “I won’t,” Ei said, and meant it. Fully.

  His friends left, and Eli spent the afternoon putting things away. It wasn’t much, but he’d never really had a place of his own. It was a strange feeling of ownership and... Not a fresh start, but a beginning all the same. A point to leap from.

  When Vivian whirled in a few hours later, he’d started dinner and was feeling...settled. Something he wasn’t sure he’d ever remembered feeling so fully in all his life.

  She gave him a quick kiss, almost missing his mouth as she flitted inside the apartment. “Well, you have been busy. This is great, Eli.” She twirled in a little circle in the middle of the apartment. “A little ‘male’ but I suppose I can’t complain about that.”

  “No, you can’t. How’s the little family?

  “Xander is the handsomest baby I’ve ever seen, and Gabs is the best big sister in the world, and Rose is just glowing and Jack is such a good father, and it’s just lovely.”

  “Not that you’re biased.”

  “Just look at them.” She held out her phone and he dutifully oohed and ahhed over the pictures of the family.

  “What smells so good?”

  He pulled her to the little kitchenette and showed her the small table he’d bought. It was rickety and tiny, but it’d fit the both of them. He’d set the table and he had a roast in the oven.

  “You made dinner.”

  “Sure. You’re always making everyone else dinner. I thought I’d give it a try. Probably one of the rare occasions you’ll have a day off so I can.”

  She stood there very still looking at the set table. Then she turned to him, looked up at him with those green eyes of hers.

  “Eli?”

  “Yeah?”

  She dropped her purse right there on the ground, then wrapped her arms around his neck. Gaze never leaving his. “I don’t want to eat dinner.”

  “Thank God.”


  He swept her into her arms. She made a little squealing noise, then laughed as he marched her into the bedroom, the sound echoing around in the little space that was all his. Just like her.

  And this life he got to build.

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